…IN SPACE!
No, sorry. Just OF THE DEAD.
Mitt Romney’s family recently tried to save the soul of his wife’s father, who died some years ago, by posthumously baptising him. He hadn’t been religious in life, and certainly wasn’t a Mormon, although his atheism may have been exaggerated.
This is a common Mormon practice, and I’m still trying to decide what I think about it. Here are some of the thoughts I’ve managed to put together:
- If you think that performing some weird rite and invoking a dead person’s name will somehow retroactively make them a Christian in some way, after they’ve stopped existing, then that’s hilarious and I’m laughing at you right now.
- Whatever anyone says about me after my death, whatever weird magic or voodoo they try to summon, however they recategorise me in their own minds, will have zero effect on me. If some people want to delude themselves after I’m gone that I’m a Mormon now because someone else had some water splashed on their head on my behalf, you guys have fun with that.
- If you’ve already abandoned evidence and rationality enough to think that this rite is meaningful, and that the eternal fates of people’s souls are affected by whether the living perform this ritual, then it’s frankly a travesty that they’re not attempting to provide the same salvation to everyone who’s ever died. What could possibly be more important?
- That said, the choices for who gets this privilege are often weirdly self-serving and selective, as well as colossally presumptuous and patronising. Like when 380,000 Jewish Holocaust victims made it onto the list. So, why exactly do they need your help, Mormons? The church agreed to call this off, and only perform “vicarious baptisms” in the future if the dead people’s descendants wanted it.
- But why did they agree to leave all those murdered Jews alone instead of meaninglessly trying to baptise them into Mormonism? Because it’s fucking creepy? Yeah, no kidding. It’s seriously creepy. So creepy their eternal souls can go hang so that your church doesn’t get too much negative press. What the hell’s wrong with you people?
- If you or someone you know does get posthumously baptised and are worried about the effect this may have, don’t worry: Bill Maher can unbaptise you right back.
- Holy balls, you know what else they do? Mormons can also posthumously marry people. It’s not as bad as it sounds – you have to have been married while you were alive, too, but if you got divorced or separated, then once you’re both dead, you might end up being “sealed” together with no escape this time. (That’s a whole big paragraph of “citation needed”, though, so take with a pinch of salt.)
- I’m still laughing at you.
That’s about the sum of it.
Mormons don’t believe that a person becomes a Mormon by the rite. Its only paperwork. The dead still have to sign on the dotted line that they approve of the work done for them. Also, as for the Holocaust victims, I somewhat agree its for political reasons. Even then Jews have a particular theological position in LDS beliefs and therefore its a minor setback. Most of the work is going to be done in the Millennium anyway, so there is plenty of time to “save souls” with Temple work if corrections need to take place or anything has been missed.
Perhaps I can add to Jettboy’s clarifications… all of his points are quite correct.
[Source: personal experience. As a former Mormon I've been baptized on behalf of ~100 people, lol.]
LDS theology about the afterlife is actually quite generous towards non-believers, and posthumous baptism is a big part of that. The main idea is that rites like baptism are essential for salvation and everyone deserves a fair chance. Solution? Perform rites by proxy and allow dead people to accept the ordinances… or not. They not trying to “turn you Mormon,” only trying to be considerate by giving you the option. Yunno, on the off chance that you die, don’t stop existing, and suddenly realize they were right all along. =P
And yep, they ARE trying to baptize EVERYONE. …Eventually. That’s the goal, and there are many Mormons who make lifetime hobbies of tracing back their family trees for this express purpose. They don’t expect to finish before Jesus comes back, but figure that once he’s here he’ll help tidy up so can finish baptizing all those Jews and anyone else they missed.
My question: if it can all be done faster and quicker with supernatural help later, why is it so crucially important now?
I can also confirm the posthumous marriages, or “Sealings.” Again, same principle… to attain the highest level of heaven you’ve gotta be married the Mormon way. The details of this get a bit confusing though, and the rules about living persons reflect the old-time polygamy gender bias. A man can get divorced, remarry, and be sealed to his second wife while still remaining sealed to his first. But a divorced woman? Nope! At least, not while she’s alive. She can be married to a second husband in a similar ceremony for “time only” [not eternity], but if she wants to be sealed to the second guy she has to get special permission for a “temple divorce” from the first. It’s apparently SUPER-difficult to do… I had a relative in this situation, and it’s especially annoying when the first hubby was a jerk you want to be rid of.
(After people are dead, however, they’ll seal them to anyone and everyone they ever married, just in case. It’s thought that God will sort out the mess of who’s married to whom and figure something out for folks who never wed.)
To sum up my opinion:
Meh. Let them do their thing; it’s not hurting anyone.
And that “unbaptism” ceremony was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while! Rescue him from planet Kolob, indeed… also loved the Expecto Patronum thrown in there. =D
Gosh – thanks for the insight, I had a feeling it might be a bit more complicated than the popular perception, and I suppose the way you describe it they’re coming from a slightly more commendable place (if still a rather unthinking one). I suppose my main point of confusion is the same one which can be applied to just about any religious claim: why has God arranged things in so utterly bizarre a fashion? I mean, the approach some people take to regular baptism is weird enough, but your fate after you’re dead depending on whether the living perform some rite by proxy on your behalf? Why so unfathomably convoluted?
I suppose if you do actually believe all that, though, the most decent thing to do is to try offering this chance to everyone who’s ever lived, or as many of them as you can. And not wonder too hard what God was thinking when he put this system in place.
Thinkellen
That isn’t quite accurate about sealing the divorced people. Sealings are just like baptism, that is, they are an offering and do not bind anyone if they are not intersted. . Sealings are done for divorced people as well. Apparently the idea is you never know what happens on the other side and maybe they reconcile. Anyway, it is their issue not the living’s perrogative to make any claims. I should add no one for whom this ordiance is performed is carried on the rolls as a member.
You asked “if it can all be done faster and quicker with supernatural help later, why is it so crucially important now?”
Apparently it is being done now so those who accepted after death can to do missionary work and other things that require authority. If you recall spirit prison is a telestial sphere of existance and paradise is a terrestrial sphere which is greater and requires baptism.