New statistics are out revealing that atheists are no longer the least popular religious demographic among the American public. Awesome. Our overall popularity is now up to a staggering -32. Public opinion across the pond is clearly massively swinging in our favour. Whatever we’ve been doing to bring people around to finding us tolerable has been working with a resounding success (on 13% of the population). Scientology, on the other hand, languishes 13 points behind, with only a 7% positive rating and 52% negative.
This might, in fact, not seem like quite such a strong result as you would expect. Who are these 7% of people out there who still like Scientology, for one thing? That’s about 1 out of every 14 people who you pass in the street or catch the bus with every day, who have nothing against Scientology, who don’t just not care, but who actively approve of it. I’m kinda surprised it’s even that many.
But despite this, and even though barely even half the people surveyed could muster up the ridicule or distaste to register any kind of negative feelings for it at all, this is still a proud day indeed. Phase One of our mission is complete; the mechanisms set in motion to discredit Scientology and thus boost the profile and public opinion of atheism have become entirely self-sustaining, and we can now move on to the next step.
I know technically I shouldn’t be talking about this in such an open forum, but I think I can trust you, my hypothetical readers, not to let word get out. It’s true: the anti-Scientology protest group Anonymous was an atheist conspiracy from the start. Some months ago, in response to statistics (which I can’t find a link to) suggesting that atheists were the least trusted group in the country, our Grand High Rulers decided that the most effective way to address this matter would be to systematically destroy the reputations of anyone currently seen as more acceptable, more trustworthy, or sexier than us.
Scientology was the most obvious place to start, and turning them into a laughing-stock was a relatively easy task. (Tom Cruise was of huge assistance in achieving this, though I’m not at liberty to say whose side he’s really on.) It will get harder from this point on, but some day, everyone will hate everyone else more than they hate us. And what a beautiful world that will be.
Next stop: Mormons.
(Hat-tip to The Friendly Atheist.)
